#5 Listen to that fat bass

[Abraham]

#5 Listen to that fat bass

(a few days later in the TV room)

LD: *is cleaning off katanas* Zhon...

JG: What's up?

LD: Jehovah's witnesses all over town the last few days.

TV: ...in recent news an anonymous millionaire purchased several decreptic warhouses in downtown kansai city in the Kessler district

LG: What would anyone want with the ghetto?

TV: ...in other news 127 Jehovah's witnesses were slain at a local convention center hours ago by a blue Imperial wielding dual katanas and even arranging the corpses to say "LUGIA DRACONIS WAS HERE". Police say there is not enough evidence to pursue the case or even care

CG: Hahahaha! TEATS

JG: Good show!

LD: Indeed.

*knocking on the door*

LD: What is it? *gets door*

Wendell: Hello Mr. Draconis can I interest you in a business venture?

LD: You have 1 minute to explain what it is before I show you the business end of my katanas.

Wendell: Well, my corporation Wendell Ltd. is doing a joint investment with Desmond Inc. in several african blood diamond regions to improve the security and ensure a diamond flow.

LD: ... *facepalm*

Wendell: Just think about it! We'd be providing locals with valuable work experience

CG: I notice he didn't say jobs

Wendell: Depends on your perspective, my friend. I think of it as reducing local unemployment.

LD: What the fuck does slavery have to with unemployment?

Wendell: It still counts on the employment stats.

LD: Wendell, the blood diamond mines are in the invisible nations. Iron age governments don't bother with unemployment statistics.

Wendell: They don't?

LD: ...zhon

Wendell: So what do you think?

LD: No and die *takes out Katana*

Wendell: Can't we discuss this reasonably?

CG: Lugia can I sodomize him? TEATS

JG: Yeah. Your beheading people gets old

CG: Fine

Wendell: I'm not sure this is kosher...

CG: Bend over, jew-boy *takes out knife*

Wendell: *takes out pocket watch* gimme a phone *on the phone* Hello ADL? Yes Well I have a problem with an anti-semite. What do you mean you only defend liberal jews?

CG: I'm not anti-semitic I'm pro-sodomy. TEATS

Wendell: Disgusting. The things goyim do

CG: Have you ever been sodomized before?

LG: *is sipping a coke and holding a thing of popcorn* hehehe

LD: Fuck you. You should have gotten me one. Fucker

LG: Too late

LD: ... *lasers Lyndon*

LG: Ow! Fuck that hurt

LD: Good you heeled

CG: I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT

Wendell: Argh... the pain.. getting stiffy... first... tme.. in... 60... years

LD: Sick

LG: Are they on the bear rug I ordered recently and did'nt bring up to my room/

LD: Yes Lyndon. Why/

LG: ...ugh.

*Haggis walks in*

HS: WHAT is going on?

LD: Wendell is being sodomized by Cow Guy

HS: Ugh. Such filth

LG: On my bear rug too. I'll have to send it in to the cleaners again

LD: Again?

LG: Someone shit on it during transit

TV: Zombie Cock! Just what the gay doctor ordered, zombie cock keeps going, even after you're long gone. Just throw it a steak and boom! Instant erection! Zombie Cock, from your friends at Gay Industries!

CG: I have one of those.

LD: how is it?

CG: It broke

LG: He tried cock and ball torture on it

LD: That's idiotic.

(in a local real estate agency building)

Agent: Why are you paying in Cash Ms. Ingolffson

GI: Just hand me the deeds

Agent: This is very suspicious

GI: Vito..

Vito: *takes out baseball bagt* Youse want to argu with da boss?

Agent:n-no

GI: Consider yourselves lucky I'm willing to pay $1 million for the buildings since they're so... worthless

Agent: Why do you want them?

GI: Just shut up and take the money

Agent: f-fine.. *hands Gwendolyn the deeds*

GI: good. Vito

Vito: Yes mistress?

GI: We leave now

*they walk out*

Agent: What would someone want with a bunch of decrepit warehouses? and why would someone pay $1 million for 5 buildings which aren't worth 100 grand total?

Secretary: MAybe they're an idiot?

Agent: Maybe...

(in Pyramid Mall)

GP: I am so high

KI: You owe me $20

ST: Shit *gives Keira the $20* I didn't think you'get get him to eat the shrooms at once

KI: I win

ST: Why are we here?

GP: I TASTE BLUE

KI: Hm. We were trying to get The General-san to eat some shrooms. After that? Who knows?

*BOOM*

ST: What's going on?

KI: WTF?!

GP: HI JESUS IS THAT YOU

LD: *is holding a rocket launcher* You! Stand and die like a man

Ian: Hey! all I was doing is spreading the word of Allah

LD: Prepare to die islamic prick

Ian: May Allah forgive you in hell

KI: The hell?

IAn: Help me! somebod help me

ST: Well he DID piss off Lugia

KI: Yeah.

Ian: One of you peoepl save me! I'm being accosted by a bad man

KI: No. I don't know who you are

ST: I wonder what he did to piss off Lugia

LD: Well Straha, some people can't take a joke and go too far

Ian: You fuck! You got me fired from CompAmerica and the nerks are pressing charges

LD: Which one of us was advocating Islamism and browsing CP sites WHILE he was supposed to be doing tech support work? Here's a hint it's not me. *smirks*

Ian: What?! I was using an anonymous proxy

LD: I own about half of the proxy companies. Also I note you didn't deny my claims.

Ian: What?! That's not fair

LD: I don't give 2 shits about fair, human. Prepare to die

Ian: ...shit

*Lugia takes out a rocket launcher*

GP: Can we leave now?

KI: Yes

ST: Finally

*sound of chainsaws being used*

Ian: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

(in hell)

Ian: This sucks

Satan: Hey Ian we've got something special for you today

Ian: What? *crosses fingers* I'm not going to be tortured

Satan: No.. something even better --for me that is--

Allah: Hey *is holding something that looks like a steam powered vibrator with many gears*

Ian: Whose this?

Satan: Allah

Ian: What is this blasphemy?

Allah: What? I am Allah

Ian: ...

Satan: You don't believe him?

Ian: He is a demon and Allah is god

Allah: No. I'm the real allah. Here let me show you

Ian: Stop your liAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH

Satan: That looks like it hurts

Allah: It's worse than it feels.

Satan: ... *facepalm*

Allah: Just wait till I give him dick centipedes

(later in a park)

TO: Wow! That was for real?!

KI: Yep.

Yomi: Why do you know people who do stuff like that?

ZD: have you been to Lugia's parties?

Yomi: I don't like gunfire or massive drug use so no. --Ugh I hate dust on my glasses-- *wipes off her glasses*

ZD: You suck. You live on the same street as him and you don't go? Hey Straha

ST: What?

ZD: Do you know if he's having another party this week?

ST: He's not. He and a few others are going to Huigtu to stop zulevenan communist rebels

TO: Who cares about some african place?

Yomi: tomo, we get alot of minerals and gold from there.

TO: So? The only people who actually care are idiot newscasters

Yomi: The only idiot here is you!

KI: $10 says Tomo-chan is crying like a bitch in the nxt 30 seconds

ZD: You're on

GP: Count me in

ST: Eh no thanks

GP: Why not?

*smack* "Wahh!"

ST: Why bet on something you know will be a losing bet

KI; I win. Pay up.

ZD: ... *facepalm* fine... *gives Keira the $10*

GP: this fails... *gives Keira the $10*

Wendell: Excuse me. I just saw some money changing hands?

KI: huh?

Wendell: Can I interest you in investing in a business venture *adjusts bow tie*

KI: what are you talking about?

Wendell: It's simple. I need some money to hire some thugs to be able to recruit locals to work in diamond mines and cacao plantations in west africa's invisible nations

Yomi: I'm sure that's not legal or right. You attract the oddest people Keira

KI: Shut up!

Wendell: How about investing some money in hiring... extra labor relations staffs for our operations in Thailand?

Yomi: Why would you need more money for labor relations employees? Wouldn't your profits cover it?

Wendell: Surprisingly no. Ammunition, body armor and loyal mercenaries all cost a pretty penny

Yomi: ... *facepalm*

Wendell: Well I'm afraid I have to go now. *gives them all business cards and walks away* Call if you're interested

ZD: I'm going to beat him up if I see him again

ST: Can I join?

ZD: sure

Yomi: That would be wrong but funny

TO: Wow! Stuck up and mature Yomi-chan showing a sense of humor?!

Yomi: *facepalm* shut up tomo-chan...

TO: Good you heeled. I win

Yomi: grrr... *smacks Tomo*

(in a courtroom)

Kikkoman: ...Thank you Bobby for being on the stand

Bobby: *walks out and is shaking* t-thank... you..

Judge: Now that both sides have presented their witnesses its up to the jury

Jew Leip: ...oh shit

Chytlock:What is it maaaaaaaaaaaaaan

Jew Leip: We're screwed

Chytlock: I dropped a fuckload of acid before the trial

Jew Leip: That's why we're screwed. I even called Ian up to the stand to give a tear jerking sympathy demanding rant and the jury still wasn't fazed. Your dropping acid just makes it worse.

(time passes)

Judge: *bangs gavel* attention the jury will now make

Ian: ..oh Jew

Jew Leip: oh you

Chytlok: Hey! The judge is speaking!

Jury representative: We rule him guilty of all the charges against him and would request that charges of public indecency and contempt of court be added on

Jew Leip: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ian: What?! Noo... just... nooooooo... *breaks down sobbing*

Judge: Bailiff

Bailiff: Yes your honor?

Judge: Club that man before he stains the leather seats with his tears

Bailiff: I live to serve *clubs Ian* Now bend over

Judge: Take it out of the courtroom. Now Mr. David "Jew" Leip.

Jew Leip: Yes?

Judge: Your sentence is 35 years in prison. Officers, take him away and put some goddamn pants on him.

Jew Leip: What is this shi-*is dragged away*

Chytlok: I am like tripping balls man

Judge: Give me some of the goddamn LSD

Chytlok: Buy your own