#6 Kit and Fell's epic adventure

[Abraham]

#6 Kit and Fell's epic adventure

(several days earlier in England)

Kit: Are you ready?

Fellatio Nelson: Yes. I've even got a suitably gay outfit on.

Kit: That's a nice bright green suit and orange tie combo

Fellatio Nelson: *puffs pipe* Thank you. I like your leatherman look.

(inside the lord's palace)

Lord: Nigger

Flocculencio: What? --Idiot. I'm from India not africa--

Lord: No not you. I meant the other house nigger

Floid: How can I help you?

Lord: Where is Fell?

Floid: He called and said he might be late today

Lord: is he hung over again?

Floid: He didn't say why

Lord; Or you didn't listen. Darkies can't pay attention. *hits Floid with a sjambok*

Flocculencio: Would you like me to bring you some tea?

Lord: Of course. I will be in my quarters so bring it up there.

Flocculencio: Will do *walks off*

Lord: The right of the conquerer. The white man's burden.

Floid: hm?

Lord: We get all the freedom and the pleasure but all the danger and responsible.

Floid: Well actually aren't places like the Americans or Japan or Beiguo which aren't white doing things like martian colonies an they have a life expectency 86 years longer than Engla-OW! that urt

*WHIP*

Lord: Shut up! It's metaphorical these days.

(time passes)

Lord: Well darkies do have their uses...

*boom*

Flocculencio: What the?!

Lord: What is going on?

Floid: *runs in* Someone just dynamited into our vaults

Lord: Damnation. If it's peasants...

Floid: Yes sire?

Lord: Tell my guardsmen to open fire and they they get to rape and pillage any peasant village in my domains

Floid: Will do, sire *walks off*

Lord: Peasants.. Isn't this unfortunate?

Flocculencio: Yes, sire

Lord: It's harder to control them thesedays since radios are so... cheap. --at least it's not like in the so called "civilized" zones where EVERYWHERE is wired-- It'd be even worse if we had television or the network.

Flocculencio: Things change?

Lord: That is a most unfortunate truth. I cannot now exercise the same control over England my father did. Even the parliemntarians are starting to quibble about my royal decrees like how they did in the united kingdom days.

(in the vault)

Kit: Got the stuff loaded onto the floating platform?

Fellatio Nelson: Oh yeah

*floid Enters*

Floid: Stop villia- What?!! Kit?! Fell?!

Kit: Get him!

Fell: Stop in the name of love

Floid: ...I don't believe this

Kit: What do we do with Floid?

Fell: Bring him with us

Kit: Why?

Fell: We need someone to do the shit work

Kit: Ah

Floid: What are you talking abou-*is tied up*

(5 minutes later)

Floid: ...this sucks

Fell: What do we do now?

Kit: Well you want another house servant right?

Fell: So lets grab Flocc!

Kit: Flocc is a big guy and was caught in the same explosion as us

Fell: We'll tell him we've got curry

Kit: But we don't...

Fell: He won't know that until we're in the air

Kit: Ah

(in the main room)

Lord: Where is floid?

Flocculencio: I do not know

Lord: Go check on him.

Flocculencio: Yes, sir *runs off*

Lord: It's so hard to find good help these days..

(in the vault)

Flocculencio: *bursts in* What in the 999 names of Khrishna is going on?!

Fell: We have curry?

Flocculencio: you do?! Sign me in. What are you two doing?

(time passes)

Flocculencio: So you're planning on flying to America using a flying platform

Kit: Yes

Flocculencio: Why not just kill the lord, lift up this palace, nail the floating platform to the ground and fly using that?

Fell: Capital idea flocc

Flocculencio: Thanks

Kit: Indeed. One might almost think you're a person based on the insight you just showed

Fell: A person?! Good joke eh wot!

Flocculencio: Shall we do it?

*Sound of something being powered*

Fell: Steam powered dildo at the ready

Kit: Why did you put nails on it?

Fell: remember when this one broke and I got a new one?

Kit: Yes...

Fell: I kept tis one and had a local mad scientist repair it

(in the main chamber)

Lord: Yes? Fell! Kit you're he-*is shot*

Fell: Die

Kit: Why didn't you let me say something flaming yet witty?

Floid: Ripping off Die hard got old years ago kit

Kit: it has?!

(time passes)

Floid: Wow. The castle is like flying

Flocculencio: And I haven't eaten any contaminated bread

Floid: Contaminated bread?

Flocculencio: Eat bread with the ergot fungus in it for a good time

Kit: I've done that before! It was fun

Fell: Oh you

(some time later in the castle, now above the ocean)

Fell: We're all superpowered now?

Flocculencio: Yeah. I'm a hulk of steel now.

Floid: yep

Kit: This is nice

Fell: What are we going to do in America?

Flocculencio: Don't superheroes make alot of money from gullible celebrities?

Kit: Yeah. Why?

Flocculencio: We have powers...

Fell: I like where this is going

(in the present in Pyramid Mall)

LD: I notice there's new vendors

FR: Aye *smokes pipe*

GB: They still come here?

LD: Yeah. They keep being firebombed by us and are still here

FR: Why dae they not take th' hint?

GB: Extreme retardation

LD: *shoots a random person in a business suit* No. An extreme desire to make money despite insane risks. The same attitude that bring people to do white collar crime and running underground oeprations

rent-a-cop: Hey! No killing people

LD: Fuck off pig!

rent-a-cop: Leave mall premises now or I'll call the police

LD: FUCK YOU! *takes out katanas* I said to fuck off

rent-a-cop: That's it you're coming with meAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

GB: Good you heeled

CG:  I win. TEATS

LD: That was funny. Do it to anymore rent-a-cops who bother us

GB: No

CG: What do you mean no?!

GB: I have dibs on the next rent-a-cop

CG: oh

FR: Can we stop at th' carousel in the center of th; mall?

LD: Dude. They have armed guards there to keep you out. What the fuck do you think?

FR: Aye let's dae it in that case

LD: I'm bored and there's no good sales at the DVD store so yes

(at the carousel)

Guard: Sir

Chief Guard: What is it?

Guard: We have a code blue

Chief Guard: My god

FR: Aye. AH like tae ride on th' bottom

LD: Right...

GB: I like setting them on fire

Guard:Hey you! Get off the ride

FR: *is holding onto it* Fock off cunt! Ah'm enjoying mah ride

Guard: You're taking the fall, son

FR: Oh shi-*is clubbed* Ow! That hurts ye focker

Guard: *feels a tapping on his shoulder* Can I help youOHM Y GOD THE PAIN! GET IT OOUT

GB: heh. heh.

LD: How are we not banned from the mall?

CG: We are. TEATS *lights joint*

LD: Oh right. We just don't give a shit.

GB: Who does?

CG: Trekkies. Unlike us trekkies aren't armed... TEATS

FR: does th' vulcan death grip count?

CG: No.

FR: Damn

Security Chief: Hey! All of you are banned

LD: Watch us not give a shit

Security Chief: You have 5 minutes to leave or I'm calling the cops

GB: you do realize that the last people to tell us to leave are dead now. Right?

Security Chief: Don't give me sass boy *pistolwhips Goomba*

GB: ...

Security Chief: *realizes that goomba is unaffected* ...uh oh

GB: ... *grins evilly*

Security Chief: no hey let me go what are you doing stop that