#8 Announcemetns and epic failures
(a few days later in a local park)
LD: Ah, a nice day
CG: I nice day... for me to take a big steaming shit on.
Vendor: Can I interest you in a set of the encylopedia Britannica? *points to stack of encyclopedias*
LD: Punish him. I am out of ammo and have not yet gone to the gun store this week.
CG: Well no but I'll tell you what I am interested in
Vendor: Yes? How about a life time subscription for the encylopedia volume of the month club?
CG: Actually yes. TEATS
LD: What the fuck? You failed.
CG: *takes out credit card* My name is Frodo Mac Donegan and my address is...
(time passes)
CG: Really? Sure! It's an extra $5,000 but yes I'll take all 283 volumes of the library of alexandria contents unabridged edition.
Vendor: Thank you, Mr. Donegan for your sale! I've just made over $100,000 in comissions alone from this.
LD: Are you going to punish him now?
CG: No. He needs to process the order.
LD: Damnit. Hey is that Wendell?
Wendell: Have you reconsidered my business venture yet?
LD: ZHON *facepalm* Wendell..
Wendell: Yes?
LD: What would happen if I nailed your beanie to your head
Wendell: It's called a "Yamulke"
LD: Shut up
CG: Weld it on! TEATs
LD: You idiot it would burn off.
Wendell: I am afraid I must go *runs off*
CG: Let's follow him to see what he's up to. TEATs
LD: No. I see some leftist protesters *takes out Katana*
CG: *takes out chainsaw and activates it* AI BAI SAUSAGE
Protester: Hey man give me a buck for some weed
LD: ... *takes out a joint, lights it then rubs it out on the eyeball of the protester who spoke to him*
Wendell: Your hatred for liberals is making me rock hard. I am gay for you now.
LD: If you ever say that again I will use your skin as a lampshade and take the skin off while you are alive and conscious.
Protester: Like what the hell man. I just wanted some like weed
LD: I'll tell you what I want. Actually no I'll just show *kicks the protester hard enough to fly through the park's brick wall*
Protester #2: That's like not cool
CG: I'M BEING A GOOD CHRISTIAN *decapitates the second protester and several other protesters using his chainsaw*
(5 minutes later)
LD: I'm covered in blood and it's a warm feeling
CG: Warm and sticky! TEATs
LD: No you idiot. I meant warm in the emotional sense
CG: Why does it always have to be about you?
RJ: *walks up* Hello there. Can I interest you in my new Ron Jeremy brand stain remover? You two are covered in blood...
LD and CG: ...
RJ: What?
CG: What's Ron Jeremy doing here today?
LD: I know. We normally only have to put up with his shit on holidays
RJ: Or would you like to try new pokemon brand ribbed condoms?
LD: No.
(in KHS in the cafeteria)
JH: What's with the duffel bags Straha and Raven?
KI: The rest of the day after lunch is taken up by an assembly so they came prepared
JH: ...
ST: What?
JH: WHY?
(some time later in the gym)
JH: *cough* I can't see through all the smoke
ST: oh hi
JH: ...
Raven: What do you think of the Bonginator?
KI: I am so buying one of those when I go to college. Stupid parents won't let me get one even tho I've got the money and I've said I'd only use it outside
ST: I know what ya mean. Mine are the same way about firearms *rolls eyes*
KI: Yoru are like that too? Fail
ZD: I bought an AK-47 the day after I got on US soil
ST: You suck
(outside the cloud of smoke in the gym)
Tommy: Hey faggot
AB: Yes?
Tommy: So Dumbledick, I want to be violently penetrated in the way only a faggot can do.
AB: Um...
Tommy: So how about it? I even brought a pair of japanese schoolgirl uniforms
AB: Sure
(5 minutes later)
Tommy: Oh Albus! Oh!
AB: Oh! Whooooooooooa! OHHHHH GODDD
Tommy: I came
LK: Good show Albus
RC: Like ew. Someone wipe off the floor.
Jeeves: Yes mistress
ST: What the hell is a butler doing here and why is everyone all in a circle?
ZD: That's Rachel. She's suppsoed to be really rich.
ST: Yeah I know but what's everyone surrounded for?
Principal Bone: What the FUCK is going on?
*Albus and Bloominggayle lock lips and kiss*
Principal Bone: Were you having gay sex?
RC: They were
TO: Yeah it was sick. I had to wipe off my backpack
Principal Bone: Albus....
AB: Yes?
*SMACK*
AB: What was that for?
PRincipal Bone: You've fucked up for the last time! You're not getting away with it now
LK: Ahahahahahahahaah/1 I thought I'd get expelled first
Principal Bone: Shut up Kurdt. I'm going to do worse than expulsion to Albus.
AB: Oh shit not the pear of anguish
Principal Bone: No you disturbing vaguely pedophiliac moron you're now demoted to freshman AND your new homeroom is in Miss Yukari's class
Yukari: Hey!
Principal Bone: Because I can
Yukari: ...this sucks
AB: What do you mean demoted?
Principal Bone: It's simple you're now a freshman and none of your past grades count.
AB: You're kidding right?
Principal Bone: No I'm not kidding
AB: ...my parents are going to kill me
Principal Bone: Should have thought about that before you had violent gay sex in public DURING AN ASSEMBLY
ZD: Right now I'm glad Raven has a car
ST: Same
Principal Bone: Also you have detention every day for 2 weeks.
AB: ...
Principal Bone: *walks back up to the podim* Now on to the main topic. Due to the recent consolidation of Tandy town with Kansai City, the old Tandy Green high school's population has been moved to this one --more like absorption really--
ST: So that's like why they did the renovation and why on the otherv side of the gym there's a bunch of people I don't recognize
Principal Bone: Taking advantage of the new space in the renovated classrooms will be the students from the former Tandy Green school.
KU: *gigles* yay! new people to make friends with.. I was wondering who those people were
ST: Weren't you on the other side of the gym?
KI: Yeah Kuki-cha *thinks* Get me a coke from the vending machine and Straha-san do you want anything?
ST: Can you get me a clear lychee fanta?
KU: Ok! *walks off*
(in downtown Kansai City)
Preacher: Repent and your souls will be saved from eternal damnation
LD: Hey look a preacher. *takes out katanas*
Preacher: Embrace the love of Jesus
LD: No.
Preacher: *drops his bible* What do you mean no?
LD: Shut up you pain-worshipping prick before I cut you to pieces
Preacher: *does a prayer* If I have to die for christ then so be IAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHTTTTTTT
CG: Good you heeled
LD: Violent unconsensual sodomy. The gift that keeps on giving.
CG: *puts his pants back on* Indeed... TEATS
Wendell: Hey. Only I am allowed to use indeed in that context! I'm going to call my lawyer
CG: Bring it on, christ-killer.
Ward: *is wearing only a klan mask over his head* Whut in sam hill is goin' on heah
FR: YE FOCKER! YE STOLE MAH IDEA!
Ward: Such language
FR: FOCK YE!
Ward: Git your head out of your ass boy
FR: Bend over laddie
Ward: ...
LD: I do not want to be ward
FR: Ah said bend over now
